Can I Be Forgiven
by cullenwhitlockhottie01
Summary: When Jasper left his hometown he didn't think he was leaving much behind. Now more than a year later he's back and he's in for a surprise. Leaving Bella behind was the worst mistake he ever made. Can he accept what has happened since he left? Or will the consequences and the surprises be too much for this cowboy to handle?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok I know I shouldn't be doing this considering I have 2 other ongoing stories, but those I have slight writer's block. This idea has been killing me since like Oct. 20th. This is just a test chapter to see if people will like it. If not then I will delete it and probably not post it again.

* * *

Chapter 1: Homebound.

JPOV

It's been over a year since I've been home. Over a year since I've talked to my mom, yelled at my sister, got in trouble with my boys, but most of all, it has been over a year since I've seen _her_.

I miss her laugh, he smile, when she pouted, the way her eyes sparked when she was angry, the way they seem to melt when she looked me. I miss her.

_Il mio cuore, la mia anima, il mio tutto. (1)(My heart, my soul, my everything)_

My Bella.

_I am so sorry. I shouldn't have left. I should have been stronger. I am sorry. Mi dispiace._

I bet she hates me. I bet she never wants to see me again. Maybe she moved on and my coming back will ruin things for her.

It's too late to start rethinking my decisions because my plane just landed back in Seattle, Washington.

I walk off the plane and make my way through the crowded airport. I saw people staring at me, mostly women, but I pay them no mind. There is only one for me.

I pull out my phone and dial Peter's number.

He picks up after 3 rings.

"Did you make it to Seattle yet?" He asks as soon as he answers.

"Yeah, I just landed."

"How ya feelin'?"

I take a deep calming breath. "Nervous. Really frickin' nervous."

Peter laughed at me, "Good luck. Charlotte says she misses you already. Be sure to visit more often. Ok?"

"I'll be sure to do that. See ya soon."

"Bye."

"Bye"

After that I hung up the phone and starting looking for a sign that had my name on it. At first I didn't find a sign and I was about to give up and rent one, but then I saw the sign.

_No turning back now._

"Are you Jasper Whitlock, sir?" A tall, pale skinned man asked me.

"Yes I am," I reached out my hand to shake his, "Jasper Whitlock, and you are?"

"I'm Colin, sir. I will be your driver to Forks, Washington and any other further transportation needs you may have." As he took my hand and shook it, and he also took a bow.

He helped me put my bags in the trunk and helped me into the car.

Through the window Colin spoke to me, "We have almost 3 hours until we get to Forks, so sit back and relax. I will get you there safely and on time."

* * *

Halfway through the drive and I went to sleep. As they have been for the past year, they featured Bella.

"_**Jasper." The voice whispered softly **_

"_**Jasper." The voice whispered slightly louder **_

"_Jasper." __**The voice said sharper.**_

"_**Why did you leave me Jasper? I've missed you I've missed you so much. I've been so lonely without you. I thought you loved me. Don't you love me?"**_

_**I looked around for the voice. I turned left and right.**_

_**The cold of the night and the cool breeze of the wind were chilling me to my bone. I could smell the ocean and felt the dampness of the air. I was at the beach? I looked around and saw that I was on top of the cliffs in La Push. Why here?**_

_**I felt cold lips brush across my ear. They grazed my earlobe and placed a little kiss there, "I thought I was everything to you", the lips whispered coldly into my ear. It caused shivers to run up and down my spine.**_

_**I turn around expecting the face to right behind me, but she was about 3 feet in front of me. I took a step forward, she took a step back.**_

"_**Bella", I whispered.**_

_**There she stands in front me. Her dark, chocolate brown mahogany hair billowing behind her, her white, loose sundress flowing in the wind, her beautiful pale skin shone in the moonlight making her look as though she was a porcelain doll, her cheeks were a rosy color, and her beautiful chocolate eyes seemed to have flecks of red in them.**_

_**She was beautiful.**_

_**My Bella. La mia Bella. **_

"_**Why?" She looked at me the most intense combination of anger and sadness. It was fierce I felt it pierce me in my soul.**_

"_**I'm sorry. I was afraid, my life was very complicated. It was too much. It felt like I had no one to talk to. I felt alone." **_

"_**You had me! You always had me! Why couldn't you trust me?" She sobbed.**_

_**I took a step forward to grab her hand and pull her to me, but she took two steps back.**_

"_**We could have had everything in the world. We could have been happy, with a family and everyone we loved. But no, you had to be a coward and run away with your tail tucked tight. You threw everything we could have ever had away." As she was speaking she was slowly backing away from me. **_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Towards the edge of the cliff. **_

"_**Bella. I'm so sorry. **__**I'm back now. I'm back for you...for your forgiveness, for your love. Please, please say that you love me. Please."**_

_**She was now at the edge. **_

_**She gave me a small sad smile, "Un amore perduto non sarà mai trovato." (2)**_

"_**Bella." I whisper brokenly **_

_**Before I could even react she fell backwards into the crashing waves below.**_

"_**BELLA!"**_

_**I don't think, I just jump after her.**_

_**All I see is darkness. **_

_**No Bella.**_

_**No nothing.**_

* * *

"Mr. Whitlock, wake up. We have reached Forks sir." I heard Colin's voice break through the haze of my dream. If you could call it that.

"Oh thank you. Go to 1367 Withers Rd. please." I reply back groggily.

"Yes sir."

Thirty minutes later I was standing in front of my childhood home. It looks the same. The same three cars in the driveway; the broken down truck I was working on, Rose's red BMW, and mom's Toyota Camry.

The house is still the two stories it was. It still had the blue trim from one of mom and dad's house experiments that we never changed back. The multicolored door from Rose's and I days of thinking that we were artist and the door was our canvas. I chuckle at that memory.

I walk over to the tree in the front yard and still see Bella's and I initials still carved there. We were 12 when we did this. I trace my hand over it and smile at the memories coursing behind my eyelids.

I look up as I hear laughter coming from the backyard. I go to the back gate and stand there looking at the people standing in the backyard.

My twin sister, Rose.

My mother, Gianna.

My sister's boyfriend Emmett.

One of my best friend's, Edward.

Edward's girlfriend, Alice.

Bella's parents, Charlie and Renee.

And then there was my one reason for coming back, Bella.

Everyone was here.

I pull out the phone I haven't used in over a year. There was only one number programmed in it. It was an emergency phone Rose and I have, we use it only to tell the other where to find us or if we were in trouble.

I silently creep into the backyard, staying to the shadows and staying behind everyone.

I dial the number.

I hear it ring in the back ground. The ring tone never changed.

_So, I scream, "mayday I'm in trouble, send somebody on the double"_

_Scratching at the floor inside my mind_

_They all accept the lie_

_So bury what you want outside (bury what you want outside)_

_Brother, please don't be afraid of..._

I felt the air still as she heard that particular phone ring.

"It can't be," she whispers. He voice thick with emotions.

She hurriedly reaches for the phone, answers, puts it on speaker phone, and breathlessly answers, "Hello, Jasper!? Where are you? Are you okay?" Everyone in the backyard gasps and freezes. Bella and my mother put their hands on their mouths in shock.

"Hey Rosie," I whisper.

"Jasper where are you?" She asks desperately.

"I'm right behind you."

Everyone looked in my direction to see if I was truly there. I looked at my mother and saw unshed tears in her eyes.

"Jasper…is that-is that really you?"

"Yeah momma it's me."

She picked up part of her long skirt and ran to where I was, and jumped on me. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and I felt her tears splash against my skin.

"Oh, mio figlio, il mio bambino. Sei arrivato a casa. Infine. Dopo tanto tempo" (3), she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm so sorry", I say as I bury my face in her neck. I breathe in her familiar, homey scent.

I hear the grass rustling as someone was walking near us. I look up and I see Rose walking towards us. She looks so vulnerable; she had tears streaming down her face.

Mother stepped back with tears streaming down her face and sobs wrecking her body.

Rose just stood there in front of him, just looking at him. Then she slapped him.

Hard.

"You bastard. I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you", she sobbed as she pounded my chest. I took it because I deserved it.

I knew what she needed was a hug, I took her fist and I pulled her to my chest.

"Stop it. I don't like it when you bruise this perfection", I said thickly.

"You're an asshole Jasper."

"I missed you Rose Petal."

"I missed you Jazz."

I pulled back from Rose to search for the girl with the chocolate brown eyes. When I found them there was so much hurt, pain, sadness, and anger in them I knew I was going to have to do some serious groveling to get her to talk to me.

* * *

A/N: Ok so this is just a test chapter I need to know if people will read it if I put it up. I hope y'all will enjoy this. About the translation I don't know if they're right

(1) Has the translation on the side.

(2)Love lost will never be found

(3)Oh, my son, my baby. You've come home. Finally. After a long time.

The song that was used was Tangled in the Great Escape by Pierce the Veil ft. Jason Butler. One of my favorite bands to ever hit this earth.


	2. Chapter 2:

**A/N: Okay I got a good response to the first chapter so here is chapter 2**

BPOV

_~.~ More than a year earlier ~.~_

Where is he?

If he doesn't get here soon I'm going to castrate him with my bare hands and make them my freakin' Christmas ornaments.

Jasper was supposed to meet me at Emmett's Halloween party 25 minutes ago. I've been between people practically having sex, I've been through people actually having sex, I almost stepped in vomit, and people wouldn't stop touching me.

I was showing too much skin for comfort, and it felt like the cloth I did have on could be blown away in the wind.

I felt like a meat offering to the lions in The Lion King.

Uncomfortable is main feeling I'm feeling right now.

I told Alice and Rose I didn't want to be dressed like this, but they said it was Halloween and I needed to dress up. They had me dressed in a sexy cowgirl costume. Stating and I quote, "Every cowboy has to have his own little cowgirl." They finished the statement with a wink. To say I was awkward would be an understatement.

I went around this entire house. I went and searched upstairs, downstairs, in the attic, the basement, the garage, outside, and the front yard.

I'm standing by the entrance when I hear a voice smooth as butter whisper in my ear, "What is a pretty lil' thing like you doin' in a place like this?"

I shiver at the tingles running down my spine. The things that accent can do to me. I turned around to come face to chest with Jasper. I looked up to look into his stormy blue eyes.

"Well I was supposed to meet this pretty sexy cowboy but it seems as though I've been stood up." I played along with him. I looked up at him with a pouty look in my eyes. "I thought he was the one you know. But he turned out like all the others; untrustworthy, unreliable, and – oh you know the type. I gave him what he wanted and now look where I am. All alone at a party with horny teenagers in a sexy cowgirl costume, and I don't have the slightest idea on how to protect myself."

He looked at me mock pity, "I'm sorry you had to go through that sugar. But I'm here now. I can make it all better for ya. If you'll let me that is."

That accent of his just makes me melt, I couldn't hold back anymore. I reached up and pulled Jasper's lips to my lips to give him a kiss of fiery passion. He slipped his hands around my waist to pull my body even closer to his. I gasp as one of his hands make their way down to give my bottom a soft but firm squeeze, and he takes the chance to sneak his hot tongue into my mouth.

Before things could get too heated I pulled back. I could tell now that my face is red and blotchy, and lips were probably red and swollen.

We were both panting like we had just had ran a marathon. With my body still pressed up against him I could his rapid heartbeat, I could each deep calming breath he took; I could also feel just how excited he was.

To tease him I lifted my thigh up a little bit to create a little friction. His sharp intake of air both amuses and excites me.

"You little tease," he growls in my ear. He tightened his grip on my waist and bottom. He nips slightly at my earlobe and started to travel down my neck to my collarbone. At my collarbone he sucked, nipped, and licked, anything you could do with a mouth he did to my collarbone.

I was all hot and out of breathe.

Was the room getting hotter or was it just me?

He started leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses on my throat. At certain places he would kiss harder and add a little suck, maybe a lick.

It was a slow torture. A very slow burning torture. I would have killed him if I hadn't enjoyed it so much.

He barely made it to my lips before I damn near collapsed at his feet.

I heard his low chuckle as he laughed at my current state.

"Who's the tease now babe?"

With that he left. He left. He freakin' left me.

That bastard left me hot and bothered.

The nerve of him!

* * *

The party was awesome as always.

Pretty much everyone was wasted, there was even random people laid out all over the house and outside.

_Wow these people know how to party and party hard._

Everyone was super drunk except for Jasper and I.

After I had found Jasper he hasn't left my side…not once.

Not. Even. Once.

I couldn't go pee without him going with me.

At first I thought it was irritating and annoying, but then when I looked around I saw that basically boys were hunting down girls to get alone. After that I understood why he never left my side.

Other than that we had so much fun.

Dancing, drinking, singing, and just having fun. I don t think I've been more in love with Jasper than tonight. He's carefree tonight. Usually he's worried about everyone and everything.

"Wanna get out of here?" He suddenly whispers in my ear as we head bob to some rock music playing over the speakers.

"Yes, I thought you would never ask", I giggle back.

He grabbed my hand and rushed me out the front door and we literally ran three houses down from Emmett's house.

We barely make through the door before he attacks me with breathtaking kisses and heart pounding touches.

He touches me like he's never going to touch me again.

I barely have time to breathe, as if I want to.

We barely made it to the stairs before he had my top half naked.

We barely made it to the door of his room before he entered me.

The next morning I could barely breathe when I realized he was gone.

And 2 months later I could barely believe I was almost three months pregnant.

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_**A/N: Here is chapter two. I am so sorry for the long wait. I was an idiot to try and take on 3 stories at the same time. But I'll get better with the updating. Don't expect an update until maybe two – three weeks at a time.**_

_**Now since my PM box was acting like a b**** I couldn't get you guys your thank you and such. So here is a list:**_

_**silversprings-1997, EccentricTeen, lucylu0508, Twisted-Twilighter, Twisted Musalih, GoldenKeeper2567, khanm, Ella Whitlock, mmichelle97219, Beertjes, TwilightCrazyAssBitch, Gemma945, loonietune, LosingThatFeelingofUnique, umakemeagiddyschoolgirlagain, IheartJW (guest), kymmie, Rhiannon Lovely, PhOeNiXfLaMe5291, ericlover1977, ForbiddenHeartx, hi ho (guest), Izuchna83, Hunniebee23, .mar, sweetebs21, JXB Addicted, iloveTwilight-kk.**_

_**I think that is everyone.**_

_**Thank you so much for the response on the first chapter. I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it. it warsm me and my country heart.**_

_**Love and thank you!**_

_**Review.**_

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PM.

~.~CWH01


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: here is a chapter in JPOV. I know I said last chapter was going to be Jasper's POV but I had to clear some things. But here is Jasper.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN CRAP.**

JPOV

_~.~That Night of the Halloween Party ~.~_

As I look to my right to see Bella snuggled up in my arms with her mouth in a slight smile, I can't believe she is mine. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her not one little bit, but I wouldn't give her up for the world.

I remember when I told her I liked her. It almost felt like yesterday.

* * *

_**~ FLASHBACK ~**_

_**2 years ago – Sophomore Year **_

_Ok today is the day. I'm gonna man up and put on my big boy pants. I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell her that I really like her and that I wasn't lying when I said it last night. _

_As soon as I walked into the school doors I went hunting for Bella._

"_Hey lover boy", I hear my sister say beside me. _

"_Hey Rose Petal", I respond to her._

"_I told you not to call me that in school Jazz" she snarled back._

_I laugh at her because I know how much she actually loves the name, but she has a queen bitch reputation to uphold._

"_I'm sorry Rosalina."_

_She squared her shoulders and held her head high, "That's more like it."_

_For a few moments we walked in silence. _

_Then my sister being who she is, she had to break it, "So I heard you going over your speech this morning-"_

_My groan of displeasure and embarrassment cut her off._

"_Oh gosh. Why?"_

_She snickered and rubbed my shoulder as to smooth away my embarrassment._

_It didn't._

"_I thought it was pretty good, but know this, even though she seems like she's into the whole romantic gesture, serenade me outside my window, where art thou Romeo type, she isn't. She just wants something from the heart and trust me when I say this Jasper, you are nothing but heart."_

_Who knew Rosalina Lillian Hale could be heartfelt and such. _

_I did._

_I know she may seem cold and bitchy towards other on the outside but she is actually a sweetheart and very outgoing. _

"_Well thanks for the help but I think I got it down." I leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her cheek. As soon as I looked up I saw Bella._

_Her long, dark, brown mahogany with streaks of red was down at her waist in loose curls and it was just moving as she walked. I think I may have notice her because of her ass and not her hair, but her hair is very distinctive. _

_I turned to Rose and said a quick good bye and in return she gave me a good luck. _

_As I ran up behind Bella I knew that now there was no turning back. It was now or never._

_No turning back._

_I took a deep breath and I was about to tap her on her shoulder when she turned around and before I could barely get "Hey Bella" out of my mouth she just blurted out "Yes"._

_I looked at her confused and waited for her to elaborate._

_She smiled a cute little smile, "Yes I'll go out with you."_

"_How did you know I was going to ask you out?" I questioned her. I was confused as to why she assume, even though she was correct, that I was going to ask her out._

"_Jasper come on, your twin sister is my best friend and tells me everything that goes on in your house. Like for instance, when she scared you so bad you feel and broke the shower door and that's where the bruise on your side came from. And if I remember correctly you said that it was from fight that you and Emmett had and it got a little too rough."_

_She's messing with me. _

_I turned my head to side, "Well you know what I don't think I want to go out with you anymore. I might just ask that girl who likes me. Oh what's her name…oh yeah Maria. I think she might say yes." I start to fake cry and wiping at my eyes, "We could have had something special Bella. But no, you had to ruin it."_

_She laughs, "So you'll pick me up at 7?"_

"_Yeah 7 sounds good." I nod._

"_Ok."_

"_Ok."_

"_Ok. Bye"_

"_Bye."_

_She stands there for another minute before saying another bye and walked away smiling and clutching her books._

_When I see her turn the corner, I turn away and does the victory fist pump from 'The Breakfast Club' and high five some small little freshmen boy. _

_After that the rest is, as they say, history._

_**~ FLASHBACK ENDS~**_

* * *

As I stroke her hair that is splayed out over my arm, I know that I can't live without her.

But I might just have to.

I can't stay here much longer. I want to be strong; I want to be strong for her and for me. I just don't know how.

I tried so many times and so hard to be strong. I tried not to show how bad I was becoming, but I can't be strong all the time.

I have to go find myself and what my life means. I can't do that in this small town where everyone's eyes seem to be following my every move.

There isn't much holding me back from going. I don't want to leave Ma, Rose, or Bella but I feel like I need to.

Life here in Forks, life where my dad still dictates what we do, a life where I don't feel complete, I life where I don't know who I am, a life where everything is messed up is not a life I want to live.

I want to live a life where I know I can be everything I can be for Bella. I hope with all that is in me that she doesn't hate me for leaving, especially like this.

I slowly slip my arm from under her head and cover her up with more cover. I walk around until I find a pair of plaid sleeping pants.

I walk out of the door and downstairs to the kitchen when I see Ma walk in through the front door, picking up Bella's and I clothes as she goes. Mumbling as she goes, "Maledetti ragazzi non sa il modo di essere discreti. Essi potrebbero almeno prendere i loro vestiti. Vorrei almeno pensare che io non so che stanno facendo sesso." (1)

I chuckle at her.

"Ma."

"Jasper, tesoro è che tu? Jasper?" (2)

"Yes it's me."

"What are you doing up so late? Is Bella upstairs?"

I raise an eyebrow at her, "Do you really want to know?"

She pauses, "Yeah you're right. Well before this conversation gets anymore awkward I'm going to go upstairs to bed. Don't stay up too late."

"Night Ma. I'll see you later on. I might not be here in the morning when you wake up in the morning. Okay?"

"Ok. Night baby."

When she made it to the top if the stairs I whispered after her lowly, "I love you and I'm sorry."

I wasn't even thirsty anymore.

I walk back upstairs to my room and see Bella still asleep. Good.

I go to the desk in the corner of my room by the window. I start to write Bella a note.

_Dear My Bella,_

_If you are reading this it means you are now awake and I'm not there. Don't worry I'm alright._

_Don't think I left to run away. _

_Please don't think I abandoned you or anything. I left to become a better person for you. Right now, I'm not what you need. I'm not stable and I'm not sure what I mean yet. _

_But don't worry I will always love you. I will be thinking of you every moment I am away from you. I will think of how your eyes sparkle, the way you twist the tips of your hair when you're nervous, that smile you save just for me, and how happy I was, am with you. _

_Do you know how much it is killing me to write this letter and not just lay with you when you are so close to me? You were the sole reason why I waited this long to leave._

_Please don't try to look for me. You won't find me. I want you to move on with your life. _

_I'm not going to ask you to wait for me, but I would love it if you did._

_I hope that I won't be gone long._

_Just remember that you are everything to me. I would be nothing without you, so after you read this keep your head held high and don't be too sad. _

_Finish school, hang out with friends, and be crazy._

_I want you to do something I haven't been able to and that is to live._

_I want you to live life to the fullest because when I come back I plan to marry you and that is a promise I'm going to keep._

_I love you with everything left in me._

_ With all my love,_

_ Jasper Michael Whitlock_

When I finished it I put it on the pillow beside her. I went to the closet to retrieve my already packed bag full of clothes. I change out of my flannel pants to some jeans and a white shirt. I grab my bike keys and walk back over to Bella. I kiss her head, her forehead, her eyes, her nose, he cheeks and lastly her lips.

"Wait for me. I love you."

My throat and my stomach tightened as I walk out of my bedroom door.

As I'm walking out of the door, I pass a clock that read 4:47 am.

I walk out of the door with one last final look at everything.

I need to complete this journey for Bella, but mostly for myself.

I need this more than anything.

* * *

_**A/N: There is Jasper POV. What do think about the reasons as to why he left? What do you think is going to happen next?**_

_**(1) Damn kids do not know how to be discreet. They could at least take their clothes. I would at least like think I do not know they're having sex.**_

_**(2) Jasper? Sweetheart is that you? Jasper?**_

_**Next Chapter by Sunday hopefully.**_

_**Favorite.**_

_**Follow.**_

_**Review.**_

_**Don't forget I love you.**_

_**Don't forget that you're 6 year old will never understand that Thor is not his daddy.**_

_**With love, a lot of it,**_

_**~.~ CWH01 ~.~**_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: well here is chapter 4. I hope it's good. Please enjoy and don't forget to leave a comment in that little blue/white box at the bottom of the page. Also put in your review a good Italian name for a girl. I'm having a hard time picking.

Happy Reading!

DISCLAIMER: SAME AS THE CHAPTERS BEFORE IT I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!

* * *

BPOV

_~.~ Present ~.~ _

He's chasing after me. I know he's chasing after me. I know Jasper and Jasper would never just let me walk away from him.

I turn to make way into the kitchen to grab my bag and keys, but when I turned around to walk out of the kitchen, he was there.

Oh god. He looks the same. He still looks like my Jasper.

The eyes, the nose, the lips, the face, the hair, everything is Jasper, but I don't know this person in front of me.

This is the person who left me in the middle of the night with only a note. This is the person who didn't bother calling me back after a million phone calls. This is the person who didn't care enough to tell me he was leaving to my face. This is the person that left me all alone.

I looked up at him, my chest heart pounding and my breath coming out fast because of my hasty running.

"What do you want Jasper?"

He searched my eyes rapidly and only said my name.

"If you have something to say maybe you should leave it in another note." I hissed at him.

Before he could react I swooped around him and out the kitchen. I made it out the front door to my car by time he caught up to me.

_Damn freakin' keys. I couldn't find my car key._

"Bella! Wait." He yells as he's running out the door.

I'm fumbling even harder with my keys now.

_Come on. Come on. You stupid keys. Hah! _

I finally got the right key, but once again I had to be a spaz and couldn't get the key in the door. Before I could finally get the key in the door, his hand flashed out of nowhere and stopped mine.

"Let me go, Jasper."

"No not until you hear me out."

"There's nothing to hear Jasper. On Halloween we had what three, four rounds of sex and next thing I know I'm waking up next to a sheet of paper. I'm happy thinking it's you doing on those romantic follow the note things you do, but no it's not even close to that. I spent two months looking for you. Do you know how far I went for you? I used every resource I could. I used savings and college funds looking for you! I went to Seattle, Portland, Houston, Austin, Galveston; I went every fucking where for you! But you don't care do you? Do you know how much you left behind? Do you know who you left behind? You left someone more important than me behind. Do you know that?"

I started pounding his chest, "I loved you! I loved you so fucking much, but you didn't love me enough to stay. You didn't trust me enough to stay." With my anger and hurt fueling me, my punches get harder and harder with each word.

He grabbed my hands to stop me from pounding into his chest harder. If I weren't for the situation I would have loved him holding my hand again.

"Bella, I didn't leave because I didn't love you. I left because I love you. I wasn't right for you then. I was instable, and my problems were too much. I didn't want to drag you into my problems. You were so happy and I didn't want to drag you down with me. I needed to find myself for you, to better for you. I would never left if it wasn't for a good reason."

I scoff, "Excuses are like assholes, everybody's got one."

"But Bella –"he tried pleading with me before I interrupted him.

"Just let me go Jasper. I don't want to see you right now. I could have helped you. You had me but now you lost something more than just me."

"What do you mean Bella? What's more important than you?"

Oh god, I can't do this. I can't look at him and to his face tell him that he left behind a child. I can't tell him that he left me pregnant. I can't look at him and tell him that. I just couldn't.

"Let. Me. Go." I looked up at him with the hope that my eyes were cold enough to match voice. When his hand finally slipped from mine I knew I had done it correctly. "I just need time Jasper. I need time to sort my thoughts and everything. Don't come looking for me, and don't come near me."

With those parting words I got into my car and drove away. I looked back for a split second to see him still standing there, his hand outstretched as if he's calling my hand back to his.

Oh how I wish I could hold your hand again, but I can't. Not now and maybe not ever again.

When I get home I'm greeted with the sweet laughter of my sweet daughter. My bad mood just washed away as soon as I heard her laugh. As long as she is happy, I'm happy.

I round the corner to see Angela bringing her back down to blow her tummy while making little baby noises.

"Hey Ange," I say as I'm putting down my purse and taking off my coat and stuff.

She looks up at me surprise evident in her eyes. She looks at me then looks at the clock stationed on the wall.

"Hey Bella. What are you doing here already? It's not even 4 yet."

I walked over to her to pick up my baby girl. I smile as she starts to bounce excitedly up and down at seeing me.

"Hey baby. Mommy missed you. Did you have fun with Auntie Angie today?" I coo at her. When she starts to clap I kiss her little wet, fat cheek.

"Has she eaten yet Ange?"

"No, not yet. And you still haven't answered my question. Why are you back so early? You always stay over at these things at least until 6 o'clock or 7 o'clock."

I sigh at her, "It's no big deal. I'll deal with it. Everything will be alright."

She looked at me as if she didn't believe me, and she shouldn't.

"Alright, if you say everything will be alright, then I guess it will be." She starts to walk towards the coat rack and grab her things. "I don't get how you can sit out there in that backyard in this weather. It is super-duper cold out there." She complains.

I laugh at her, "I've been here my whole life, and I can handle the weather. You, who have only been here for just 2 years, can't handle the weather. It wasn't even cold, the sun was out, and the wind wasn't blowing. It felt just right."

"Yeah well, times like these, I miss California. Well I'm leaving. She was a doll today, she took an hour nap and we watched the princesses."

"Thank you sooo much Ange." I go up to her and place a big, wet smacking kiss on her cheek.

"No problem Bella. Call me if you need me again. K? Bye."

And she walked out the door.

"Well baby girl, it's just me and you again." I say to my daughter as I walk to the kitchen to get her baby formula.

Later that night as she slept and I stared at her face, I started to see just how much alike her and Jasper are.

She had the same wavy, blonde hair, the same blue eyes, and that same dazzling smile that makes me want to do anything for her.

"You look so much like your father" I murmur into the darkness.

Why did it have to turn out like this? I can still imagine our happy family, and that is what hurts the most. Imagining that is the worst feeling in the world because I know that we could never be a happy family. What Jasper and I had ended the moment he left and didn't contact me for a 1 year.

There were things I wanted to do with Jasper; go to college, buy our first apartment, be adventurous, be reckless, get married, have a family, everything.

But that won't happen.

We won't have that college experience together.

We won't have that first apartment experience.

I can't be adventurous anymore.

I can't be reckless.

We can't get married.

We can't have family, not after what has happened.

I sigh as I kiss her head and walk out of the room.

It's around 8:30pm, her usual sleeping time, when I hear there is a knock on the door.

_Maybe it is Mom or someone to come and check up on me._

I open the door without even asking who it was.

"Mom I'm fi-"I stop mid - sentence when I see who it is.

"Bella." He whispers.

Oh no, this can't be happening.

* * *

A/N: I know I said the next update would be Sunday but Sunday was a very busy day for me and I couldn't really write on Saturday. I hope the chapter is good enough to make up for it.

I want to thank everyone who reviewed and followed or favorite, it means a crapload. You don't know how happy I get when I see the emails telling me I have a new review or something. I mean I fangirl hard, by hard I mean _**HARD. **_

A few acknowledgements (NOT EVERY ONE)

NatalieLynn, Icebabe87, musicBumJAR, cardgirl91, FaeSong, MiMi0507, ajindra, tallPaulslady, JFK2984, decadenceofmysoul, gothichic, Pearls-A-QT, KatGio, giannakylie, shannonigans2881, LunarWolfess, FallenRebelAngel, Ennelya, hellsbells24, chedoo28, ravenbug, wolfygrr21, SandraBR, Toujours-Pur-XXX, FanofalmostEVERYTHING, springbreakers, Aige Lee, texbratt67, AngelsofHeavenandHell, Writt By Britt, Santa Muerte, LoriJY, Deonne, tabby1216.

Well that is a few people.

Review.

Follow.

Favorite.

PM.

Don't forget to stay strong because you are beautiful/ handsome.

Don't forget to continue on because you are strong and worth it.

Don't forget sometime you gotta fall before you fly. (SWS)

Don't forget that a six year old does not need ice cream after 6.

Don't forget I LOVE YOU.!

~.~ CWH01 ~.~


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT AND I NEVER WILL.

* * *

Chapter 5:

JPOV

"Let. Me. Go." She said.

Her stare was cold and it pierced me deep.

Maybe she doesn't love me anymore. Maybe she hates me for leaving her more than I thought.

There was only one thing I could do; let her go.

As she got in her car and sped away I was still there.

In the same spot and position, hoping that she will turn around and come back.

She didn't.

With my shoulders slumped and my head down, I turned towards the house.

Once get inside, I saw that everyone was piled into the living room.

"Did you see?" I questioned them as I looked into all of their eyes.

When they all looked away I knew then that they had saw what transpired between Bella and me.

"I'm sorry for leaving the way that I did. I didn't want to deal with the good byes and I felt that that was the best way to handle it. I'm sorry for the pain I caused and the mess I made. I had good reason. I came back because everything I needed to know then I know now. I was weak then, but I'm stronger now. I can make my own decisions and I can stand up for I need to."

I turned to my mom, "Ma I'm so sorry I made you worry all this time. I just felt like I wasn't the son you wanted or better yet needed. Non ho mai voluto per questo di farti del male. Passerò il resto della mia vita dirvi quanto mi dispiace. I promise I won't do it again." (1)

I turned to my sister, "Mia sorella. Il mio gemello. La mia altra metà. Scommetto che ti ho fatto piangere e per questo io sono così molto dispiaciuto. Non ero il fratello che hai bisogno o volevamo. Non potrei essere un fratello maggiore, se non ho potuto proteggere mia sorella. Sono tornato e sono pronto a proteggervi. (2)

I turned everyone else, "Emmett, Edward, Alice, Mr. and Mrs. Swan, I'm sorry for the pain and worry I may have caused in my unexpected leaving. I'm sorry for the pain I caused Bella and all of you."

I waited with bated breaths for their responses. Everyone had blank looks in their eyes.

I slowly nodded my head in understanding and started to slowly turn back towards the door.

Then out of nowhere everyone dog piled me.

They were laughing, crying, yelling, and hitting me. I never felt so loved and happy in my life than in that moment.

Once everyone had gone home Ma and Rose sat me down on the long cream couch.

"Is there anything that has happened since I've been gone?"

Ma sighed tiredly, "We tried contacting you but you wouldn't pick up. We tried so hard to find you and contact you. So much happened after you left, so much. We needed you, but Bella needed you the most. Jasper she was so lost without you. She went crazy trying to find you. She used everything she had to find you."

After hearing what Ma said, I felt even worse about leaving Bella with no real explanation why.

"Actually, that isn't all", Mom spoke up again, "There is something else you need to know. I can't tell you what it is. That is for Bella and Bella only to tell."

"I'll go over to the Swans' right now and talk to her. I need to talk to her. I need to know if I can make things better for us."

I push up from the seat and go to the coat rack for my jacket. I had one arm and half of the other arm when they stopped me.

"She doesn't live with her parents anymore Jasper. She moved out 6 months after you left." Rose said.

I turned around, "Do you know her address now? I need to go there now."

They looked hesitantly at each other.

_Did they not want to give me her address? Why?_

"Come on, give me the address. I'm wasting time and I need to talk to her now." I said urgently.

When they gave me the address I sped out of the house, and once I got outside I realized that I didn't have a car and my bike wouldn't come in for another week.

_This is so embarrassing. _

I ran back in the house and saw Ma and Rose standing there, a set of hair keys in their hands. I gave them a timid smile before taking the minivan keys from my mom.

Once again I sped outside of the house, only this time once I got outside I got into my chosen vehicle and sped away.

Once I got to my desired destination I looked around at my surroundings. It seemed like a pretty neighborhood. It was clean and nice; the building wasn't too old looking. It seemed like she was doing good for herself.

Once I got up to the apartment that Rose told was Bella's I just stood there.

What am I going to say to her?

What will she do?

What is the thing that she has to tell me?

Is it bad?

Please don't let it be that she found someone else. It would kill me if she found someone else.

Bella is my everything. Without her I am nothing, she is me.

I take a deep breath and finally get the courage to knock on her.

I knock once.

Ok I knock once quietly.

I knock again this time much louder.

I wait a few seconds, I was about to turn around and run but then the door opened.

She opened the door without even asking who it was.

"Mom I'm fi-"She stop mid - sentence when she saw it wasn't her mother at the door.

She looks so beautiful. She looks like she did a year ago.

"Bella." I whisper.

She looks shocked to see here, in front of her door.

"How did you find me?"

I laugh bitterly, "It's Forks Bella. One of the smallest towns in the country. It wasn't hard to find you."

"Why are you here?"

"Why else would I be here? I'm here for you. I came back for you. Everything I've done or doing is for you, only you, always you." I took a step towards her only for her to take a step back.

"I don't want to see you Jasper." She rushed out as she tried to close the door.

I put my foot in the crack in the door right in time. I will admit it kinda hurt getting my foot smashed by a door.

"Bella just hear me out. Please?"

She looked at me with fire in her eyes but you could also see the desperation in them too.

"Jasper we can't talk tonight and we can't talk here."

When she said that I finally really looked at her. I saw her eyes flash from me to a bedroom and back. She was fidgeting and she would only fidget if she was hiding something.

"What are you hiding Bella?' I whisper, "Is there someone else in there? Are you seeing someone else?"

Her eyes turned wide and scared, "Oh god no Jasper. I'm not seeing someone else. It's just…it's just... God I can't tell you! I'm so afraid to tell you. I'm afraid that it might make things even worse."

"Bella what are you talking about?"

"Come inside."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside of her apartment. I didn't even get a chance to see it. She sat me on the couch.

"Jasper I think I should show you instead of telling you because I will probably fuck it up. So come on." She got up from the sofa and walked to the first door on the right.

"Listen, this may shock you and even make you angry but I tried to tell you. I tried tell you so many times."

I just stayed silent. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

Inside the room was dark except for a little night light by a…crib.

A baby crib.

I took slow steps into the room. I walked like I didn't want to believe what I'm about to see.

"Jasper this is Amelia."

"Amelia?"

Amelia is what we wanted to name our daughter if we ever had one.

"Go take a look at her Jasper."

I walked slowly towards the crib and saw the baby named Amelia.

I looked at her and gasped.

She looks just like me.

"Jasper Amelia is your daughter."

* * *

A/N: There is chapter 5. I'm going to keep this short.

R&R

~.~ CWH01


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